What if It's You?
by Thessian Shadow
Summary: Prequel of sorts to Breaking the Bonds. Katherine reflects on her time aboard the Enterprise, has a revelation about what is to come, and realizes her feelings toward a certain captain. R


_**What If It's You**_

_**A/N: **_This is yet another songfic. Gotta love 'em, right? I think I'll make this a sort of prequel to 'Breaking The Bonds". It's not necessary for y'all to read it though. Well anyway, pairing's already obvious. Sorry, PC fans. Read and Review, plz!

_**Disclaimer: **_I don't own this stuf. For one thing, Paramount and Gene Roddenberry own ST: TNG, and for another Reba owns this song.

A cold wave of regret swept over her as Katherine exited the shuttle bay in her mind, bound for earth in one of the Enterprise D's shuttles. In a break from tradition, instead of Data piloting it, the captain himself was at the helm. He had volunteered to do this at random, and nothing Will could have said would have changed his mind.

The silence was comfortable at first, but as the ship grew smaller, tension began to linger between them. Her thoughts were centered around her time aboard the Galaxy class starship, and the bonds that had been formed there would keep her tormented mind at ease for a time. Her thoughts returned to the mound of paperwork and reports she had to rift through while she was at her desk at Starfleet Medical. Those days were done and gone, and Beverly Crusher was back as Chief Medical Officer. Katherine had sensed that there was a connection between the two, but nothing had happened yet. Now there was at least a hand full of reports that stated there was unacceptable behavior between them.

She thought back to Wesley. Picard had been the one to alert him that his father, Jack, wasn't coming home again. How would he take to his mother actually considering a relationship with the man? She herself had lost a brother aboard the USS Repulse, but Taggert spared no emotion. He said it and moved on. These things were not as easily forgotten as one could hope.

_I've got something to tell you that I just can't say  
So I'm writing it down in case maybe someday  
Our lives take a turn down a road  
We can't see right now  
I know you're happy and I'm happy for you  
But since you found each other  
I've been so confused  
Cause I believe there's one soul on this earth  
That was meant for mine  
I was sent here to find_

She and Jean-Luc had several differences. They were almost the exact opposite of each other. _Hell, what was Deanna thinking when she said that the two of us weren't all that different? He and I almost never saw eye to eye with each other… _Her thoughts were interrupted as the door chime sounded.

"Enter."

Kyle Riker entered looking as exasperated as ever. Before speaking, he looked her over and raised an eyebrow. "Well, you've seen better days, Katherine."

"So have you. What's on your mind?"

"Oh so now you're a counselor?" After this, she couldn't help laughing.

"Shut up and get to the point. I know you didn't come here to make small talk, besides…. I told you years ago that you were pretty bad at that."

It was his turn to laugh now. "Yes. Yes you did. Well, it's my son. He's refused another ship…"

"What is it this time? If it's another like the Ares, I don't blame him."

"No. It is actually a better ship. The USS Denver has officially become open. He served aboard her, so they felt it safe to offer him the command chair."

"In all honesty, you cannot blame him. He has the chance to become captain of he federation's flagship. You of all people understand why he wouldn't turn that down."

"Before he could respond, his comm. Badge beeped. "I'll get back to you on that."

After he left, she let out a breath that she hadn't realized she was holding. Lately Kyle was seemingly making some move toward her. Although it was over between them years ago, he ignored that fact. She returned to her paperwork and found one padd that had been placed in a distant corner of her desk. It had a message from her now former captain still displayed.

Katherine,

I don't know how to say this outright, so that's why you are reading it. I must say that though our professional relationship was never on solid ground, you are an exceptional officer, and though sometimes irrational, I hope to serve with you again. I know you have memorized my record by now, but there is one thing I kept out of it intentionally. I knew your brother. He was a fine officer, and much to your father's displeasure, Derryl would want you to think of him as someone who respected you a world more than his father did. He wouldn't want you to mourn him, as you more than likely know.

She put it down mid-message and just leaned back in the tall backed chair. As her eyes closed, she marveled at the vivid memory she saw.

_During transport, there were flashes of different moments in her life. The simple moments of conversation with the Enterprise crew, arguments with Taggert over what was right and what was considered completely preposterous, moments of clarity when her father would finally leave her to ponder the reason behind his brutal attacks against her, and more importantly that moment when her brother had been enveloped by the transporter beam and was never seen again… Once the transport was successful, she stepped off the transport pad, and Picard had held her close for a brief moment._

_What if it's you  
What if our hearts were meant to be one  
What'll I do  
Knowing that I'll never love anyone  
As much as I do love you  
What if it's true  
What if it's you_

It ended just as suddenly as it had started, and Katherine was left staring at the bleak walls of her office. It wasn't a total loss however. She had a thought that would keep her busy for the rest of her duty shift. _That is welcome any given day when you are a chief at Starfleet medical, never mind the reoccurring visits from random people reporting problems._

The rest of the afternoon was spent checking in on some patients with more severe injuries besides common ones. Several subordinates checked in to see if there were any suggestions as to what should be done about certain cases. It was easy enough to respond.

"What exactly did you all do when Beverly was chief? Did you bombard her with simple questions that your training should have answered at least after a bit of thought?"

To this they would walk away with almost angry expressions. It was obvious that Beverly would just tell them the solution just to get them out of her sight. _Good move, but I think I'll make them think a bit on their feet before actually stepping in. If worse comes to worse I'll change my mind. _

That time didn't come sooner than she had expected. Two doctors rushed in and explained a situation which involved a Romulan spy for the federation. His brain was losing important function, and they hadn't had time to brush up on Romulan physiology.

"I can see that my day isn't over yet…" She donned a surgical uniform and took her tricorder from the edge of her desk. "Let's go, boys." Upon entering the surgical bay, she quickly began dishing out orders to some nurses who hadn't expected her to respond so quickly. They began to pick up the pace as her voice lost its normal tone and resurrected an authoritive one. It surprised her exactly how she missed it. _Two years of a basic desk job supervising these people, and never getting a bit of the action… _She was sidetracked by a lieutenant's words.

"Doctor, I just don't think this is right. This man would have given his life to end ours! How can we just let him-"

"I don't want to hear it, Ca- Carlson! If you wish to be responsible for his death, then be my guest. Otherwise, do as you are ordered, Lieutenant." She stepped back to make sure the man was going back to his job. _God that was close… I almost said Captain! What was I thinking…._ "Is there anyone else questioning the fact that we must keep this man alive?" No answer. "Good."

She took a moment to cool down. That brief argument nearly set her off. _I guess I'm ready to admit that I miss that calm and normal environment back in sickbay…_

_If destiny called and I missed my cue  
Do I get one more chance  
Oh how I wish I knew  
I'll never again put my heart in the hands of fate  
If it's not too late_

Later that evening, instead or returning to an empty apartment, Katherine remained in her office. While not exactly five star rated, the place had a comfortable couch and a replicator. Any officer that entered would find her curled up with a steaming mug of mint tea and yet another piece of Klingon literature. The lights were dim, and with a good book to eventually put her to sleep, Katherine settled in for another nearly sleepless night.

_Walking along the dimly lit corridors that seemed familiar, Katherine stopped outside a set of doors that looked oddly like the ones leading to sickbay. Once inside, she saw that the lights had been overly dimmed, and two people were heard speaking._

"_What did you tell him?" A definite male voice was harsh as it spoke._

"_You know that I told him nothing! I've kept my word. How about trying to keep yours!" A voice that sounded surprisingly like her own answered him. _

"_You know that I am a man of my word. Picard is trying to use you just as Taggart did! You are too blinded by human emotions!" The shadowed figure leaned down and struck the woman, presumably herself. "Now, I am heading to your quarters to make sure you stay there. If there is any leaving them, I shall know." He grasped her slim wrist and forced her to her feet while causing a loud snap to emit from it. "I'll escort you back."_

_She was thrown to the wall and told to make her way back to her quarters. "And if I refuse?" He snorted and placed a hand around her throat. "You wouldn't be foolish enough to refuse…" With that, he watched her pull herself along the corridor and out of sight. At this point, she was too stunned to notice anything except herself edging along the wall away from sickbay. She stared around the vast room and saw another figure standing off to the side, seemingly unnoticed. When he spoke, she realized who it was._

"_What the hell is going on… My newly reinstated chief medical officer is being controlled by this disgusting excuse for a brother…"_

_Her heart stopped. Jean-Luc Picard? Where am I? Or is the better question when… She noticed that he slowly followed the path that her future or whatever form of herself had taken. Once outside her quarters, he suddenly flattened himself against the wall as the doors opened, and a man quickly strode out. Upon seeing his face, both Picard and the current Pulaski froze. _

_After a quick recovery, Picard edged inside her quarters, and she reluctantly followed. What she saw lasted only for a second. He had quickly moved around the table in the center of her sitting rom, and was now checking for a pulse. A desperate look crossed him, but his face turned deathly white._

"_No…"_

_What if it's you  
What if our hearts were meant to be one  
What'll I do  
Knowing that I'll never love anyone  
As much as I do love you  
What if it's true  
What if it's you_

A blinding flash revealed the white walls of her office instead of the dimly lit corridors. Her eyes scanned the room quickly, but after finding no one, she sat up and glanced at the window with drawn curtains.

"Time."

"Current time: 03:00 hours." At her groan of annoyance, the computer beeped and stated that it was an unvalid question.

"It wasa groan, and wasn't addressed toward you." She refilled her mug and sat back down. Her book, long since discarded, lay open to a scene where two Klingon warriors bashed each others' skulls in to settle which should claim the right to become head of the family. _Hmm. Glad my brother and I didn't settle things like that…_ The thought of death reminded her of that odd dream. "Have I just seen my death? She thought aloud like this for a few minutes. "I couldn't read that expression on his face when that dream ended… It was a mix of regret and something else." _But what was that something else? _As she prepared to give up on sleep, she remembered the padd that she had put down. After reading about her brother, she had gotten a bit emotional, but that had faded. Katherine reached out and began to read where she had left off.

On a more personal note, I have to admit that I felt something more than friendship between us after those petty arguments. Don't quote me on that, for I don't know if it is due to the fact that I've had only one relationship, and that was before my entering the academy, or a feeble desire to actually be in a fruitful one again. Ah well, I believe I've said too much. As I said, I look forward to serving with- I mean seeing you again.

_If I ever hold you I'll never let go  
But if I never do how will I know_

With those words echoing in her mind, Katherine leaned back against the arm of the couch and let her head fall against one of the back cushions. Exhaustion overtook her, and she finally fell back into a peacefully dreamless sleep.

The next morning dawned too bright for her liking, but she shrugged that off. After getting a rather refreshing shower, changing into a crisp and clean uniform, and resuming her place on the couch, Katherine heard nothing to suggest that there wereany medical emergencies. She then sent a personal memo to the usual doctors and nurses that hit her with endless questions.

Unavailable until noon. Insomnia's a bitch.

Dr. K. Pulaski

She rested back against the arm and continue her book where she left off. While she did this, a set of questions still hung in her mind like a dull humm.

_What if it's you  
What if our hearts were meant to be one  
What'll I do  
Knowing that I'll never love anyone  
As much as I do love you  
What if it's true  
What if it's you_

Back aboard the Enterprise, Jean-Luc Picard stared at Sickbay's many biobeds, and couldn't help but see its previous commander instead of Beverly giving out orders. The memory of her voice didn't fail him, and for a second, he was about to address the wrong person. It was then that Beverly spoke.

"Well, I can say one thing. I envy Katherine for being able to put up with half of those science officers. I just don't know how she does it…"

Her last statement was on his mind, but it held a completely different meaning than what she had been going for.

_What'll I do  
What if it's true  
What if it's you_


End file.
